A Different Perspective on Chores

The other day as she was getting out the vacuum, Goobie said to me, “I bet you’re glad you had kids so we can help you clean, right, Mom?” While it is lovely that my children are old enough to make significant contributions to the household chores, “helping me clean” (shockingly) is not actually at the top of the list of reasons why I had children–let alone why I assign my kids to do chores. So why do I see chores as a valuable necessity for kids? I believe that having regular household chores does the following:

• Teaches life skills.
• Teaches responsibility.
• Contributes to the family’s feeling of team spirit and each individual’s sense of pride in the home.

Why is it that kids are most excited about helping to clean when they’re least competent at it–or when it’s not required of them?

Though I think chores are important, I’ve sometimes struggled with the execution of that principle. When my kids were very small, I made them chore charts: a little slider to move from “To Do” to “Done!” to show that they had remembered to clear their dishes, put their laundry down the chute, and pick up their toys before bed. But after their initial excitement, I found that I was forever having to remind them to do their chores, and often I found it easier to pick up the dirty clothing myself than to get their attention, indicate what needed doing, and endure the whining while they did it. Making sure your kids actually do their chores takes work!

Eventually, those basic chores became second nature, and I felt the kids were ready to learn more ways to contribute to the family, but I again struggled with execution. Should chores happen daily or weekly? Should each child be assigned one set of chores, or should they be allowed to choose from a list? Should chores be done at a certain time, or should the kids have the freedom to choose when to do them? After several false starts, we’ve settled on a system that has now served our family well for several years. While it now needs some expanding so they learn new, more complicated skills, here’s what has worked for us.

There are certain chores that, since toddler-hood, have been each person’s responsibility every day. Each child is responsible for clearing their dishes after each meal and placing them in the dishwasher, putting their dirty laundry in the laundry basket each night, and making sure they have not left a disaster of toys around the house (though we no longer pick everything up nightly because as they got older they got involved in complex, multi-day play activities).

The second category of chores was trickier to nail down, but here’s what we came up with:

• Each person has one short task that they must complete immediately after dinner each weeknight. I allow them to enjoy the weekends free of these extra chores for now (though they do strip their sheets and help to re-make their beds on Saturdays).
• There are four lists of tasks. Each week each child is responsible for a different list. This means that they practice a variety of cleaning skills each month, and they never spend more than a week at a time doing their least favorite chores.
• My goal is not perfection, but contribution and gradually increased competence. I know that my nine-year-old will not clean the toilet in as much detail as I will, and some of my children will be more (or less) conscientious than others in the execution of their chores. But more importantly, I know that each child is learning what it takes to maintain a reasonably clean house and what tools to use (and in what general manner) to achieve that goal.
• As they get older, I expect their cleaning to become more rigorous, but I’m still not particularly militant. I point out ways in which they could improve, and the kids generally seem to incorporate my suggestions into their execution of the task in the future.
• I put myself in the rotation so that I know that each chore gets done really thoroughly at least once a month.
• Here are my chore rotations, in case you want to consider something similar:
  • Counter Cleaner: Use a damp cloth to wipe down the kitchen table and countertops.
  • Bathroom Cleaner: I broke the bathroom-cleaning process into smaller parts, so each day consists of 1-2 elements of cleaning.
  • Vacuumer: Vacuum the kitchen and dining areas, moving all the chairs. (If we allowed food in other parts of the house, I might expand this.)
  • Odd Jobs: This job consists of one job per day like scrubbing the stovetop or sink, swiffering the wood floors, vacuuming the carpets, and tidying and dusting the common areas.